[big bang theory/xf] nothing important happened today - r (masterpost)

[ishie]

Title: Nothing Important Happened Today
Rating: R, for language, death imagery
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory (Penny/Sheldon)
Length: 27000 words
A/N: for the 2010 bigbangbigbang! This is BBT in an XF world with a twist, where absolutely nothing makes sense, including where the hell all these words came from. The title and three lines (you'll recognize them!) are from XF, and in the interest of full disclosure: about 1000 words are from The I in FBI, although some have been changed to protect the unbeta'd.

HUGE THANKS to my beta inkdot for talking me out of the trees when my first draft tried to kill me, and for her judicious enabling when the second draft reared up out of nowhere; to sounding boards extraordinaires the_wanlorn and sparkly_stuff; and to renisanz for picking up a pinch-hit ♥

Thanks also to my co-mods, weasleytook and bekkis (what were we thinking?!), and to everyone who participated in the first Big Bang Big Bang. We had a blast and we hope you did too!

"Agent Cooper?" she called, looking into the gloom. Against the wall that ran parallel to the hallway, there was a desk overflowing with maps and folders, and a boxy computer terminal shoved back out of the way. A dozen multi-colored post-its clung to its square black face. The outline of another desk was just visible in the shadows of the opposite wall.

And every available surface was covered in paper: hanging on the walls, stacked on top of the filing cabinets and all over the floor, stuck to the tiny window set high in the wall so that they blocked out whatever tiny amount of light was trying to struggle through.

"I was just assigned to you," Penny continued as if all of this was totally normal. As if none of it looked like something out of a serial killer's handbook. "I'm Agent—"

A man burst through the doorway in a wheeled desk chair. Backward, with his hands clamped on the padded arms, tie rippling weakly. In his wake, papers fluttered on their tacks and swirled off the nearest desk. Penny ground one heel into the floor and tensed her shoulders, shifting her weight in case she had to defend herself.

So this was "Moonpie" Cooper; Sheldon to his mother, presumably. Advanced degrees out the yin-yang, Criminal Analysis's golden boy burnout, scourge of absolutely no one despite his concerted efforts, nuisance to many, so on and so forth.

(fic @ AO3)